Deleted Scenes
by Phoenix Stone
Summary: Between the scenes of SVU episodes and maybe Conviction. 100% Alex/Olivia. Please Review!
1. Undercover

Hey! So, new story. I don't own the characters herein. This is random between-the-scenes A/O loveliness, because I can't get enough of them. All in one-shots, each chapter will contain a "deleted scene" (a.k.a. what _should _have happened) from an episode of SVU OR Conviction, (bah, Conviction...) Anyway PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel quite free to take these one-fers and continue them into full stories. Just credit me with the kickstart, if you would, and let me know if you are doing one so I can read it. Love to the lovers.

And fyi the timeline in this will not always be consistent to the shows.

Oh, and please review!

**Post-"Undercover**"

* * *

Olivia sat in her dark apartment in a sort of catatonia, trapped in her thoughts. She kept seeing his face, hearing his words, feeling the panic rise in her again. Her hair was still wet from her showers and it dripped down her neck and back and raised goosebumps, but she didn't cover up with the blanket draped across the couch. The cold comforted her, reminded her she could still feel something. Slowly she picked up her cell phone and hit the last speed dial. It gave half a ring and then clicked over to the voice mail.

"You've reached Alex Cabot. Leave me a message."

She hung up and did it again, turned up the volume. Then she hung up and threw her cell down, letting it skid across the coffee table and onto the floor. Keeping Alex's cell turned on was supposed to help her, supposed to be supportive in her process, comforting, even. But all it managed to do was make her feel a hundred times worse. She thought she couldn't be more empty after the attorney left the second time, but she was wrong. Alex's voice just drove home that feeling, that she no longer belonged to herself, that she wasn't really a person any more. She got up in just enough time to make it to the kitchen sink before she threw up.

After settling down and cleaning up, she returned to the living room to put her cheek to the smooth wood floor, staring at her cell phone.

"You've reached Alex Cabot. Leave me a message."

This was stupid. The phone she was calling was in the next room in a drawer. Still, she took a breath.

"Hi, um, it's me. Listen, I know you'll never get this message or anything but I wanted to talk to you. I need to talk to you." She stopped to take a breath, failing miserably at calming herself. "Something happened at work today," her voice dropped to a whisper as tears began flowing. "I was undercover at Sealview, and ... I don't really want to talk about it... I just wish I could talk to you for real. Hear your voice. I'm not going to bother wishing to see you again, but... I know you'd tell me to talk to Elliot about this, and I wish I could. I understand now why female victims don't like giving him their statements. I thought it was because they were embarrassed, but it's not like that, it's...you need an emotional force, you need a like heart. You need someone who understands everything and never had to read it in a book, you know? But I'm getting ahead of myself, it's not like I actually can identify, I mean, it's just barely scratching the surface of what some of them ... ugh. This is stupid."

She pushed the end call button and crawled under the blanket on the couch. Olivia lied there, curled up like she did when she was a child, looking at her gun and badge that she had dropped on the coffee table when she came in. Glaring at them, disenchanted and rejected, she thought, _you were supposed to protect me._ And she contemplated throwing them out of her life completely. The stakes hadn't necessarily become too high, they'd just become too many, taken so much and given so little. Twenty minutes later, lost in herself, the shrill of her cell phone ringing made her jump, and then curse. She didn't recognize the number. Probably a vic.

"Hello?"

"Olivia? Oh my God, what happened?"

It took her a moment to speak. "Alex?"

"It's me, sweetie. Liv, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I just -- how are you calling me? Isn't this dangerous?"

"Probably, but I'm using a pre-paid cell phone, so it should be safe. More importantly, I don't care. Baby, talk to me." When there was no answer, she held her breath so she could hear the background. Slamming and rummaging. "What are you looking for?"

"The phone. Your phone."

"I have it."

"I don't understand --"

"I found it last time I was...I couldn't say goodbye again, couldn't let you go, so I took it with me. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? No, I -- it's not -- I mean I don't..." By now she was on her bed, her closet and drawers all askew and spilling over from her rampage. She took a shaking breath. "It's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's me." She listened to the other woman breathe and closed her eyes to gather her strength for the question she was about to ask. "Liv, were you raped?" When there was a pause, her own tears could no longer be held back. There was no possible good answer to that question now.

"Almost."

"Oh, God. Baby, are you okay?"

"No," she admitted, surprising the both of them. "I'm not. I've never been that scared in my life, Alex. It was like I was a child the way he tossed me around, like I was nothing."

"You're not nothing, Liv."

"All I kept thinking about afterwards was my mother. I hated her for so long, you know? But I had no idea. No idea, and now, I'm wondering how -- why -- she even kept me."

"Maybe she loved you."

"No, I mean, when I was a teenager, we would get in fights a lot. I always ended up asking her since she hated me so much why she had let me be born in the first place."

"Olivia..."

"And that answer you gave is the one I thought I'd get. Every time, I waited for her to say that very thing. But she never answered me. Not once. She'd go into the kitchen and pour herself a drink. And I never understood why she couldn't answer me. Even to say something horrible, or to lie to me, it would have been better than just letting it hang, you know?

"And now that I know a little bit...if I was her, I don't think I would have kept me. I know I wouldn't have."

"Olivia, I can hear what you're not saying. I've said it before -- I am so glad your mom chose to keep you. And so is Elliot and everyone at the squad, and all the victims you've helped. Even if you don't think so, it's good that you're here."

The detective went on like she hadn't heard her. "I wonder what she found in that bottle that was so comforting."

"Shit. I'm coming over right now."

"No, no no. Don't you dare. I'm fine, Alex, this isn't worth you getting killed over."

"No, the threat from the cartel has dissipated. I think Hammond is just being overly cautious. He mentioned something about me coming back in a year." Olivia could hear Alex moving around, slamming drawers, pulling a zipper.

"Sweetie, that's a _whole year _from now. Don't throw yourself into danger because of me. I mean, let Hammond do his job. I trust him, and so should you. Besides, I'm okay now after talking to you. This isn't worth it."

"Bullshit. I'll be there by morning."

* * *


	2. Pilot1

Again, I don't own, I just manipulate. This one was supposed to be from that episode of Conviction where Alex comes downstairs in her apartment building to support Jim Steele wearing only her silk nightie and a coat (omg cute!) BUT I couldn't figure out what episode that was in, and this story ended up taking a completely different turn anyways. So this is pre-Conviction. Please please review. Oh, also, I invented a word. You may use it. Lol.

* * *

Alex was startled by the knock on her apartment door. She hadn't gotten a call from the doorman, and her neighbors were afraid of her, so it made no sense that someone would be knocking at this hour. Her glasses were cast off to make room for a confused scowl as she pounded barefoot to the peephole. When she saw the person standing there, she sucked in her breath and flung the door open before she could think.

"Detective." She said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

The officer at the door shifted her weight at the attorney's formal tone, but she was the master at seeming casual. "I heard you were back in town. Just thought I'd stop by and say welcome back." She produced a little white box and a cheeky smirk.

Alex knew what was in that box, but she asked anyway, unable to keep her mouth from watering at the idea. "Is that --"

"Your favorite New York cheesecake." Olivia confirmed and smiled a little wider as Alex swallowed and moved aside for the detective to come in. But she didn't accept the invitation. "Oh, thanks, but that's alright, I'm on my way home. I just wanted to give you this." She held the box out further to Alex.

Alex didn't take the box right away. She watched Olivia's mouth and eyes for a moment before she leaned against the door and said, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you..."

"No, don't be. I know it must be strange..."

"It is, but it shouldn't be. At least not with you. I just -- a lot has happened."

"Alex, it's okay." Olivia insisted the box at the attorney again, who finally took it. "It's good to see you again." She smiled kindly and then turned to go.

"Liv, wait."

The detective turned half way and raised her eyebrows, but didn't have time to ask anything.

"Please, come in." When the detective hesitated, Alex insisted by opening the door further and standing way to the side, facing the detective in the hall. Olivia accepted the invitation and stepped past Alex and into her apartment.

She was a little surprised at what she found there. It was decidedly not like Alex's old apartment in terms of decorating. It was a little more free, more creative. She had nick-knacks and photographs of people, hints of memory dashed into the slew of awards and diplomas and certificates that covered her walls.

Alex set the box down on the table and then helped Olivia out of her jacket before she realized that was probably inappropriate. Putting her back to the detective to hide her blush and dodge the questioning glance she knew she'd get, she hung the leather in the nearby closet in between two of her own coats, hoping the smell would rub off onto them. She then proceeded into the kitchen with the cheesecake.

Olivia putzed around the apartment looking at the photographs. Most of them included Alex and some guy. She assumed this was the broker Alex had told her about when she was back for her trial. Alex looked happy with him. Somewhat. Her face was smiling but her eyes were sad. Olivia swallowed down her empathy and tried to remain purely curious as Alex banged around with the tea kettle and some other dishes. There was a picture of Cragen mixed in. Broker man, then some other man in a suit. Alex's mom. Then one of Fin. Olivia looked for a picture of her, but she didn't find one. To be fair, there were still quite a few boxes strewn about that hadn't been unpacked.

"I made tea, if you'd like." Alex said and Olivia turned.

"You have a lot more pictures." She commented stupidly.

"I've been a lot more places." Alex shrugged. "The therapist they sent me to told me it would be better if I got rid of all my old photos, that it would be easier to be me again if I wasn't constantly reminded of who I was when I wasn't Alex Cabot. I think they must have a thing against personal photographs. I lost all of mine from before." She touched the frame of one of her with curly hair and a sweet looking Doberman.

"I've been three different people now. I was Emily, then Laura, and then Kristin. They were all so different -- their pasts, their presents -- from mine as Alexandra Cabot. I hated them all. I was jealous of them all. Now, looking at them, I realize in a way I loved each of them, too."

Olivia let her voice settle over her, feeling it in her bones. Steady now. Casual. "You looked good with brown hair."

"That was Kristin. She was my favorite."

"Why?"

"Because she came from nothing. No money, no parents, no formal education to speak of. And from that, she became this really intelligent, powerful woman. She wasn't afraid of anything." Alex smiled and glanced at Olivia, snapping out of her reverie. "Did you want some tea?"

"Sure." Olivia smiled, then looked back at Kristin for a moment before following Alex to the kitchen. Alex met her at the table with two mugs of steaming tea. She put them down and they both sat. Olivia smiled at the new dishes. Her mug said "boys are stupid...throw rocks at them" and had a funny illustration. Alex opened the box and then surprised Olivia by handing her a fork. "No, that's for you." Olivia nodded at the cheesecake and put the fork down.

"Don't be silly. You know I never finish these."

Olivia smirked and picked up her fork. "Yeah, why is that?"

The attorney spoke around a really big bite. "Mm. Oh my God. I'm sorry, what?"

Olivia grinned and took a bite. They sat in companionable silence and enjoyed the cheesecake, taking smaller and smaller bites, trying to make it last longer. Finally Olivia put down her fork and insisted Alex finish what was left of it. There was a moment of tension and then the detective's hand tentatively brushed the attorney's. Alex froze completely, watching her.

"You have a new scar." Olivia said and ran her fingertips over it.

Alex swallowed and put her fork down as she answered, "My dog got hit by a car last year. When I tried to move her off the street, she bit me." She couldn't breathe right as she watched Olivia bring the spot to her lips and felt that soft heat press in to the scar. Turning her hand over in Olivia's grasp, she cupped her chin and ran her thumb over her skin. That was all she wanted to do, just touch her, let her know that she still cared about her. She wasn't going to assume Liv wanted her back; it had been two years. But there was a shift in the pull of gravity and suddenly their faces were inches apart, their eyes lost in each other. Olivia's gaze traveled slowly down to Alex's mouth and Alex pulled Olivia closer. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't care.

Their lips met, and for a long moment, neither of them moved or breathed. It was like they were frozen in time, stunned by something indescribable. Then, one of them breathed, and all at once they were a frantic tangle of fingers and hair, nails and buttons. Tasting cheesecake and salt and something sacred, they only distantly noticed as chairs were knocked over, pictures fell from the walls; that it was hard on the door and sharp at the bookshelves and then it was soft and seemed unreal as they fell onto the bed, skin to skin.

The sudden softness snapped them out of their chaos. Alex was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry." She knew she should get off Olivia if she was going to seem as sincere as she was, but she couldn't bear the thought of not being in contact with her. She flipped her hair to the side and capsized them so that they were laying and facing one another. "I know this isn't why you came over, and I know it probably looks like I'm just blowing off steam, and I know it's been so long, I didn't just assume --"

"Alex," Olivia interrupted her little panic party with an unbelievably gentle voice, looking far into her eyes. "I know you better than that."

Alexandra Cabot responded by allowing a few tears to gather at her lashes. Olivia knew her. She knew her. Alex didn't have to make up stories or remember a scripted life, or family, or work. All of what she was, what she is, what she may be, was wrapped up in Olivia -- in her heart, in her eyes, soaked into her skin by a million kisses, a million touches, a million whispers of the earth and the sky and fire and water. Alex let Olivia's statement wash over her like a warm wave, and the relief it brought was so foreign, so absolute, that she broke down and cried.

Olivia pulled her into her body as she curled up and cried, tucked her head under her chin, let her grip her ribcage with both arms, put her own arms around the attorney's shoulders and further tangled their legs together. "Shhh," She crooned and kissed her hair. "Okay. It's okay. I think we're going a little too fast."

Alex was inclined to agree, but she wasn't letting Olivia leave that night. She had begun to calm down already, feeling the Cabot blood surge through her veins; she wished for a moment that she could be Laura again. Laura could cry until she felt better -- for days if she needed to. Alex could only cry for a few minutes, until she felt weak, and empty. She spoke to Olivia's strong, steady heart. "Stay with me."


	3. Waiting

HEY. Okay, more A/O fluffers for the masses. This was originally extremely smutty, using every inch of its M rating, because I got excited when I heard Mrs. March is returning to the cast for 6 weeks. But I came back and read it again after a few days and decided I am absolutely NO GOOD at writing the good stuff. You're better off just making it up yourself. So we have this instead. I'm letting this float in the timeline somewhere between Loss and Ghost or Ghost and Conviction. Just Alex reminiscing. I of course own nothing, or I would have given Conviction a much less annoying/boring title song, among many other things.

* * *

She never knew it, but she became the steel in my spine. I remember our first moments together like you remember the first time you wrecked a car -- in exquisite, spotlighted, heart-wrenching detail. I was attracted to her the first moment I laid eyes on her. And although I'd been attracted to women before, I'd never before had such a strong desire to act on it. I spent days hanging around her desk just to be near her -- to smell her strongly feminine perfume cutting through the rank testosterone in the bullpen: quiet, yet unapologetic. I spent other days calling her desk directly to double-check on cases just to have an excuse to talk to her. I was all business, of course, but dropped subtle hints. Hoping, yet never daring to, that she understood my secret language.

I knew she noticed me. Everyone noticed me. The trick was figuring out if her quiet appraisals of my features were out of jealousy, simple appreciation, or desire.

Olivia and I were beyond talking. From the very first moment, what we had was too bold for words, too fragile for voices. The two sets of partners and the occasional Cragen had an unspoken rule about Friday night drinks. They sometimes waited around for each other before heading across the street to the little corner bar and restaurant. I was never invited, but it didn't matter because I would have politely turned them down anyway. Most nights I was already there at the bar when they filed in, and I preferred my solitude when I was drinking.

I was content to be amused by little glimpses of conversation I caught through the din, keeping my back to the group. Months went by and I was never spotted. They never talked about me, except to remark on if I'd won the case or not, and that was a rare thing in my world. From birth, people gossiped about me, and I them. Somewhere around the age of sixteen I'd decided it was an inevitable cruelty and furthermore that I didn't give two shits what people thought. Still, it was a welcome relief knowing that no matter how much they didn't like me on any given day, they would never turn on me. I couldn't say the same for my own mother.

Having never quite figured out Liv's motives, or if she even had any, and further having never been spotted by the group in all this time, I chose this night to let curiosity get the better of me. I swiveled my stool around, leaning an elbow on the bar, and watched her. I had a straight shot of her over Cragen's shoulder. I watched her grow somber - even guilty - at the mention of old cases, of rapists that were being released. I watched her smile, laugh, joke with Elliot and Munch and Fin. I watched her sit back and take in a playful argument between her friends, bemused. That was when she noticed me. I couldn't begin to describe the mix of emotions on her face when her eyes slowly focused into mine from across the room. I only know that it ended on an almost undetectable smile and a beautiful flush. She said goodbye to the boys, left money for her burger and beer, and started towards me. I counted her steps in nonsensical numbers and letters, my heart roaring in my ears, watching her smile grow as she neared me. I smiled back. She stopped only when the fabric of her shirt was brushing my knee. Her exquisite hand fell upon my own laying idly in my lap, and she traced a finger lightly down my skin, from wrist to nail. She never dropped my gaze; even when I thought briefly of checking to see if the guys were watching, I could not let go of her. My breath involuntarily hitched as she leaned in closer and covered my cool hand with her warm one and peeled my drink from my fingers. She reclaimed my gaze, and with a soft smirk and a quiet motion with her head towards the door, I was off my perch and tailing her out to the street.

Liv, when she was alone with me, was never very chatty, not like the other women I'd been with. We communicated through action most of the time - touches on the hand, glances - but when she did speak, she had this uncanny ability to say something I would never forget. This was no exception.

The air was pleasantly cool and a light breeze stirred around us now and again as we walked. Liv, still silent, teased her hand into mine, and the contact screwed up my breathing pattern a little. Her light smile had faded and was replaced by a slightly pained expression. I followed her lead, which was not like me, in a loud hum of indescribable energy, as her pace picked up a little. I heard a murmur of male voices behind me and she glanced back once and picked up the pace a little more. We turned a corner and found the street deserted. She stopped suddenly and looked around. I thought for sure it was her cop instincts kicking in and waited for her to turn us around and get a cab. Her eyes found mine briefly and intensely and then she looked behind us a second time as she steered me into a nearly pitch black store front, pinned me into a corner and kissed me, letting all her pent up desire spill out in one cruel moment. My knees gave out almost instantly, but she caught me, pulling me even closer to her warm body. Completely independent of thought, my fingers found their way into her hair as small breathless whimpers escaped from my throat. Her free hand was traveling slowly up my side, and I heard the guys from the one-six chatting as they walked down the sidewalk and right past us, but no one noticed us. At that moment I wouldn't have cared if they had and it ruined my career, just as long as she didn't let go. Finally when they were way out of hearing range, she pulled away. Putting a hand against the glass by my head to steady herself, she hung her head near my shoulder and tried to catch her breath. She was visibly shaking. I ran my hand down her arm to help calm her, ignoring the tremor in my own skin as I did so, and it worked almost immediately. Liv picked her head up and smiled at me, still slightly out of breath, and whispered.

"I've been waiting weeks for you to turn around at that damn bar."


	4. Lead

Did you miss me?? Sorry about the long delays, I've been out of the SVU mind for a while. Good news, though, I'm making progress on both "Well Said." and "Familiar." So, thank you to everyone who is still sending in reviews and posting alerts, you're keeping me interested in the stories. Thank you for your support!! I am also working on a Grey's Anatomy fic, Callie/Arizona, but I'm writing it from end to beginning, so it may be a while before it's posted. Anyway, here's another little taste of Alex/Liv goodness for you. This one takes place during or after "Lead," the first episode Alex is back, and allows our beloved attorney to explain herself. Please review and tell me what you think!

Love to the lovers.

* * *

A slender hand hesitated at the door to the crib, trembling slightly. Her heart was violently crashing into her ribcage.

"I wouldn't do that." Elliot's voice made her sigh, look up, turn to him.

"I have to." She answered, letting her intense blue eyes cut into his equally fiery ones.

Elliot accepted the challenge, stepping in closer to her. "Alex, it's really not a good idea." He put a hand on her wrist, pulling her hand off the handle.

Alex threw him off. "I think I know better than you what this is, detective."

"I really don't think you do." Elliot stared her down, watched her pale a little at the things he wasn't saying.

A look of guilt and hurt washed over her for a split second. "Look." She said, taking her hand back for the second time. "She deserves this."

Elliot paused for a very long, threatening moment. "If you hurt her again..."

Alex interrupted him. "I wouldn't dare."

Elliot stayed a moment longer just to further make his point before he stalked off.

Alex eased the door open. She wouldn't have needed to -- Liv was accustomed to people coming in and out of the crib and she would have slept through any noise the attorney made. With the lights out, it was nearly pitch black, but luckily the detective was the only person in the room. Alex crept up to the lump in the clean line of bunks and took a deep, silent breath. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark and looked down at the sleeping detective.

She took another deep breath, reached out to wake her, then thought better of it and retracted her hand. A moment more of hesitation passed while she contemplated leaving the room, but in the end, retreat was just not in her. She eased herself carefully onto the edge of the mattress next to Liv's, watching her shoulder rise and fall with each breath. And she waited.

It only took a few minutes before Liv picked up on her presence and awoke. Her back was to the attorney, but she knew it was her. "It's hard to sleep when someone is staring at you." She said.

Alex sighed. "Liv..."

"What do you want, Alex?" When the attorney hesitated again, she advanced, stabbing. "You're back now and so you expect a quick fuck, is that it?"

To her credit, the lawyer resisted a returning blow. "No," she said flatly. "I want to apologize to you."

Liv had fully expected to have started a verbal bashing with her last comment, so the attorney's refusal to contribute surprised her a little. She turned her head, but decided against giving Alex her full attention. "Go ahead, if that'll make you feel better." She told the opposite wall.

Alex took a breath, willing her hands to quit shaking. She knew Olivia wasn't going to make this easy for her, and she didn't deserve her to, but this was the conversation she'd been fearing for years.

"I wanted to forget you." She started.

Liv shot up, infuriated, and started to leave. "Your idea of an apology is clearly not --"

Alex grabbed her hand as she passed her, staying her. "I'm not finished." She snapped, and allowed her eyes to lock on to Liv's in the dim. There must have been something showing in them, because Liv's expression changed a little, and the detective sat down.

The attorney continued. "In the beginning, I should have left and not said goodbye. I shouldn't have burdened you with knowing I wasn't safe. But we were driving away and all I could see was you... in that hallway...and I thought it wasn't right for me to leave you with that much pain. I had to see you again, so I abused the feds into letting me set up a meeting."

"Why did you invite Eliot?" Liv asked before she could stop herself.

"The Marshalls said it would look less conspicuous. It was either both or neither, and I really don't know why."

Liv was silent, not letting on what affect -if any- this fact had on her.

Alex continued. "When I was back for my trial, I didn't know." She swallowed, "About you and Casey. I didn't know. I would never have asked...I never would have slept with you if I'd known. I mean, I thought you were a little flirty, but so were we for years before we... After the trial, she and I were talking, and I saw how much she was in love with you, Liv, and I couldn't stand in her way."

Liv came to attention for a moment. She knew Casey had been in love with her, but she had no idea it went back that far.

"I didn't know where I would be or if I was ever coming back, and it was good for you to move on. I knew you'd be mad at me, but I don't know, I thought that would be better for you. She was better for you than I ever could be.

"I wanted to forget you, Liv, that's why I didn't say goodbye. That's why I never called, why I got engaged, slept with all those men. I was trying to forget, because the pain of being without you ruined me." The tears gathered in her eyes but she held them back, continuing. "You were the first, " she started, but then took in a deep breath and started a new sentence. "I thought you were happy, Liv, with Casey. And she's a good person, she made you laugh, she's not like me..."

"I was happy with Casey." Liv verified. "But that ran it's course a year ago, Alex, with no help or hurt from you, which you would have known because the gossip train runs loudest in the D.A.'s office. Your office." She shook her head. "This may have started out with you being the bigger person, but don't throw your savior complex at me regarding this last year. I even called you directly and was completely ignored. Why don't you stop thinking so highly of yourself and just tell me the truth."

"I was scared." Alex blurted out loudly. "You were the first, well the only..." she trailed off again. "I was scared, Liv. It was pure cowardice. I'll admit that. I couldn't face you and the hurt I'd caused. At the same time couldn't expect to have even left any hurt. I didn't know what you were feeling, or if..." She realized she was rambling and stopped.

Liv was silent.

"Listen," she started again, her voice hushed. "I don't have a concrete explanation. I'd pick up the phone to call you and instead of a dial tone, I would hear the ambulance and the paramedics shouting, and you...I couldn't deal. I don't know exactly what that means or why it happened, but I do know I'm sorry. I owed you all so much more than what I can probably ever give. You saved my life, you kept my secret, and I .... I'm sorry."

Blue eyes came up to find Liv's, hoping for something, finding them completely impassible. The attorney sighed, looked again just in case, and then got up to leave. She coached herself to the door, shaking her hair, straightening her spine, smoothing her clothes. She paused a moment at the door and took a breath and wiped her under her eyes for possible ran mascara, before turning the handle.

"Alex." Liv's voice behind her caused her to shut the door again and turn. She found the detective standing not three paces from her, but couldn't read her face in the shadows.

"What were you going to say? You started a sentence twice and didn't finish it."

Alex sighed. "You were the first, Olivia." Her courage left her and she stopped there again.

"The first what?" Liv pushed her, but not unkindly.

"And the only," Alex continued, pausing only a moment this time and finished resignedly, sighing, "person I've ever loved."

Liv was silent, unmoving. After a moment, Alex turned for the door again, taking a deep breath. A hand caught hers before it reached the handle, and she allowed herself to be turned around by the detective, expecting anything from a punch to a cutting insult. Liv's brown eyes were no longer impassible, though, they were quite open, searching hers determinably. When Alex's defeated blues met that gaze, the attorney repeated the only thing that really mattered at that moment. "I'm sorry."

It wasn't just shock that flooded through the attorney as she felt herself pulled in to the warmest, tightest embrace. Olivia said nothing and just held her until the attorney relaxed in her arms, breathing in the feel of her, and then, after a long moment, she whispered.

"You should have opened with 'I love you.'"

Alex breathed out a small laugh and pulled Olivia even closer.


End file.
